While the world burns and tankers sit idle in a warzone, the titans of Big Oil are counting their cash so fast their fingers are smoking. BP has just posted a jaw-dropping profit of $5.7 billion, more than doubling last year’s haul, as the conflict in the Middle East sends fossil fuel prices—and executive bonuses—into the stratosphere. It seems the only thing hotter than the Strait of Hormuz right now is BP’s balance sheet.

This staggering windfall comes as former President Donald Trump, never one to miss a chance for dramatic finger-wagging, lashed out at American oil giants Exxon and Chevron, accusing them of profiteering off a crisis. “They’re making too much money based on a shortage,” he thundered, conveniently ignoring his own administration’s role in the geopolitical tinderbox. Exxon’s profits doubled to a cool $14.5 billion, while Chevron’s soared nearly 400%, proving that in the global game of Risk, the house always wins.

BP CEO Meg O’Neill, perhaps sensing the public’s fury at the pump, offered a masterclass in corporate gaslighting. “I understand the pressure,” she cooed, before explaining with a straight face that her company is merely a passive participant in a global market—a market her firm actively manipulates by selling off assets like the $4.1 billion Archaea Energy biogas business it once touted as its green future. The so-called ‘simplification drive’ looks more like a frantic scramble to cash in on black gold while the sun still shines.

Behind the gleaming profits lies a boardroom drama worthy of its own HBO series. Chairman Albert Manifold was abruptly ousted after just eight months amid whispers of “serious concerns” over governance and conduct—a polite way of saying someone was cooking the books or the books were cooking someone. The stock, meanwhile, climbs ever higher, a stark monument to the fact that in the economy of disaster, there are no losers, only shareholders.