Hold onto your portfolios, darlings. The man who once settled beefs with a tweet is now reportedly eyeing a whole new war, because apparently one global conflict just isn’t spicy enough for this administration. As the Middle East simmers like a forgotten pot on the stove, whispers from the Oval Office suggest President Donald Trump might just plunge America into another front, all to back Saudi Arabia after a little Houthi hiccup. The kingdom’s so-called ‘urgent defense support’ request has the Commander-in-Chief muttering those fateful words: ‘We’re going to look at it.’ Cue the collective gasp from every diplomat with a functioning brain cell.

This potential powder keg moment comes as Russia’s Vladimir Putin—playing the role of unlikely messenger boy—reportedly conveyed a peace feeler from Tehran. But peace is boring, and where’s the drama in that? Instead, the script seems to be flipping toward escalation. Meanwhile, across the continent, Trump’s unilateral declaration of an ‘energy ceasefire’ between Russia and Ukraine is being treated with the seriousness it deserves—that is to say, none. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy isn’t buying the reality TV host’s narrative, pushing back hard after being blamed for high diesel prices. The audacity!

And while world leaders play a high-stakes game of Risk with real human lives, the suits on Wall Street are obsessed with a different kind of green. The earnings season is upon us, with banking behemoths like Bank of America and Goldman Sachs ready to parade their numbers. All eyes are also on Bangkok, where the IMF and World Bank’s annual meetings are set to unfold—a weeklong cocktail party for finance ministers and central bankers to nervously discuss the global economy over canapés. Federal Reserve Chair Kevin Warsh will take the stage Friday, likely offering soothing words that will be instantly drowned out by the sound of saber-rattling from the White House.

In a truly baffling parallel universe, the collectibles market is having its own moment. Forget gold or stocks; the real investment craze is in little pieces of cardboard with cute monsters on them. Pokémon card values are soaring to ridiculous heights, with a single card recently fetching a cool $16.5 million. It seems in times of geopolitical turmoil, the rich and bored would rather chase a Charizard than stability. As one eBay exec breathlessly declared, ‘It was the most searchable term.’ Let that sink in. In a week where world war looms, the internet is most obsessed with pocket monsters. The cognitive dissonance is simply delicious.