Move over substitute teachers, there’s a new kind of classroom drama hitting the airwaves — and this one involves a hopelessly smitten high school teacher and a Kardashian who’s decided his love letters belong in the circular filing cabinet of her DMs. Jacob Myers-Norys, whose Instagram flirting skills are apparently in need of serious remediation, faced the ultimate pop-culture pop quiz on the season premiere of The Kardashians when Khloe Kardashian gleefully detailed his digital desperation. The saga, dripping with secondhand cringe, began innocently enough with Khloe’s wholesome comment on his thirst-trap post, but spiraled faster than a freshman caught cheating when she revealed the teacher had bombarded her with no less than fifteen unrequited messages, pleading for a date to discuss—you guessed it—how her day was. “Calm down, Yacob,” Khloe sneered to the cameras, throwing shade on his chosen spelling, “Just be cool. And his name is Yacob? Yacob, please, get a J.” Ouch. That burn’s hotter than a detention slip fresh off the laminator.

But did humble Yacob crumble under the weight of nationwide humiliation? Far from it! The educator, clearly versed in teenage-level mockery, fired back with a hilariously stoic TikTok, sipping coffee while an audio track sarcastically lamented, “Oh no, I’m devastated.” His caption? Pure gold for anyone who’s ever faced a room full of judgmental adolescents: “When they try to roast and embarrass me on The Kardashians, but I get roasted by high schoolers every single day.” Touché, Mr. Norys. Touché. In a world where fame is the ultimate final exam, Jacob’s new, unexpected extra credit appears to be a masterclass in handling public rejection with grace and a smug grin.

While this particular romantic subplot has been definitively cancelled, the rest of the Kar-Jenner clan’s love lives are offering their own scandalous syllabus. Kim Kardashian, fresh from her fling with Pete Davidson, is now racing through the fast lane with F1 heartthrob Lewis Hamilton, her latest trophy beau. Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet are busy writing their own torrid, red-carpet romance, with the actor recently thanking his “partner of three years” in a Critics Choice Awards speech that sent shippers into a frenzy. As for Khloe, still playing a confusing game of will-they-won’t-they with baby daddy Tristan Thompson, she’s floated the idea of Netflix’s Love Is Blind for the “single K sisters.” Perhaps Jacob should apply? On second thought, maybe not. Something tells us he’d fail the vibe check the moment he asks, “So… how was your day?”