Move over, Spiderman. The ocean just delivered its own arachnid sensation, and these leggy newcomers are serving looks that could redefine underwater glamour. In a marine scandal that has biologists buzzing, researchers have discovered not one, but two never-before-seen species of sea spiders skulking along the posh Canadian coastline.

Found in the chic, shallow waters of the Salish Sea—the Hamptons of the Pacific Northwest—these centimeter-wide heartbreakers are the first of their kind discovered in the region in over a century. One, dubbed Callipallene pilosuspedes, is a total neat-freak with a penchant for grooming, using special limbs to comb off dirt and algae. Talk about high maintenance. The other, Tanystylum kiixin, named for an ancient Indigenous site, is more of a messy boho type, found covered in the aquatic equivalent of last night’s glitter.

But don’t let their delicate appearances fool you. Their family life is downright scandalous. In a shocking role reversal that would make any terrestrial spider blush, the males are the ones who get stuck with baby duty. Females develop the eggs, but then hand them off to the dads, who carry the precious cargo until they hatch. It’s a paternal scandal playing out on the ocean floor.

Their diet is equally dramatic. These aren’t web-weaving wallflowers. They’re parasitic party crashers, attaching themselves to colonies of hydroid ‘animals’ that look like plants. They then wander through this living maze, poking holes and literally sucking the life out of their hosts. It’s a vampire narrative worthy of its own gothic romance, all conducted in slow motion on the seafloor.

And the best part? They’re basically transparent fashionistas, taking on the color of whatever they’ve last eaten. It’s the ultimate camouflage couture. Lead researcher Cormac Toler-Scott, who stumbled upon this aquatic gold, confessed, ‘It’s everyone’s kind of dream to find new species.’ With plans for more dives, the seafloor is clearly not done spilling its secrets. The ocean’s spider-verse just got a lot more interesting, and a lot more stylish.